Dear electorate,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy in US since last Christmas, the govt has decided to implement
a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This
scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons
who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
govt deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS
(Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
for Retired Personnel Early Severance) through the CPF.

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by govt. Persons staying on will receive as much
SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible through skills
upgrading & conditioning courses (SUCKs). Govt has always prided
itself on the amount of SHIT it gives its electorate.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to
the attention of your MPs. They have been trained to give you all the
SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The ERC Committee