Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies

Ha ha ...totally hilarious......................

 1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.' (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many idiots you have as frenz who do this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

12: I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE ISH KING:

13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

What Doesnt Kill you ;
Will not necessary make you stronger, contrary to what others might say ;

It will incapicipate you ;
It will douse whatever life that's left in you ;
It will further clip your already broken wings ;

It will only leaves you to suffer a fate worst than dying..

The bitter aftertaste of being let go

 

Jan     Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality. Feb   Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.  Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.  Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.  Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match. Mar Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive.  Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.  Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.  Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.  If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days. Apr   Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.  Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic.  Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others.  Very confidant. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days. May     Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children.  Hardworking. High-spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days. Jun You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5  minutes. Jul Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.  Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.  Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.  Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times.  Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.  dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days Aug   Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. No self-control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer.  Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. in need of "that someone".  Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain" caring.  Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious.  "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. Independent.  Strong willed. A fighter. Repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month. Sept   Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional.  Stubborn.  Hasty.  Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.  Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.  If you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days. Oct Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly.  Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable.  Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years. Nov   Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times.  Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent.  Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. Repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month. Dec     This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious.  Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best.  Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.  Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding.  Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music. Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.  Sensitive. [A hot new guy/girl will catch your eye & you will catch theirs too in the next 6 days, if you repost in 5min

Top Possible Reasons Why Lee Hsien Yang is Leaving Singtel

The Singtel Chief has steadfastly refused to give any reason for his sudden departure as CEO and Board member. Already rumours abound as to why - including health, a better job offer, a potential scandal that might affect stock prices, or that SingTel’s profit last year was only about half the average such increase of the world’s 60 top telcos. Who knows? Our team of kopi tiam analysts adds fuel to the speculation with a list of TOP POSSIBLE REASONS WHY LHY IS LEAVING SINGTEL:

1. He has to clear all the frequent flyer miles he’s accumulated closing foreign deals such as those with Optus, Bharti Airtel and PT Telekomunikasi Selular.

2. Kena recall to SAF

3. Has to journey to Mount Doom in Mordor to destroy the One Ring.

4. Ministers jealous that his salary is bigger than theirs.

5. Father convinced him it was time to come over to the Dark Side.

6. Lost an arm-wrestling match to Sis-in-Law.

7. A mobile phone video of him doing a ‘Tammy NYP’ is circulating on the Net.

8. Caught on CCTV buying a Starhub $0 dollar value mobile phone package.

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