In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one:
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
March 5, 2003
March 4, 2003
Dear electorate,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy in US since last Christmas, the govt has decided to implement
a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This
scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons
who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
govt deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS
(Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
for Retired Personnel Early Severance) through the CPF.
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by govt. Persons staying on will receive as much
SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible through skills
upgrading & conditioning courses (SUCKs). Govt has always prided
itself on the amount of SHIT it gives its electorate.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to
the attention of your MPs. They have been trained to give you all the
SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The ERC Committee
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy in US since last Christmas, the govt has decided to implement
a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This
scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons
who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
govt deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS
(Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
for Retired Personnel Early Severance) through the CPF.
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by govt. Persons staying on will receive as much
SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible through skills
upgrading & conditioning courses (SUCKs). Govt has always prided
itself on the amount of SHIT it gives its electorate.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to
the attention of your MPs. They have been trained to give you all the
SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The ERC Committee
>1. What denomination does Hope of God Singapore belong to?
Hope of God Singapore is a member church of the Hope of God International
(HGI). HGI is a family of disciple making, church-planting churches currently
in 30 countries. Hope of God Singapore was the fourth international church planted
after Hope of God Melbourne, Hope of God Seattle and Hope of God Bangkok. HGI
family of churches is more of a movement than a denomination.
2.
How is Hope of God Singapore governed?
We believe Biblical leadership
is theocratic, where spiritual leaders are God-appointed and that the church recognises
and confirms God’s calling on individuals. As a church, we are part of the Hope
movement. Locally, our board of elders provides the oversight and watch care for
the local church. The next team of leaders is our management team whose role is
to supervise our staff and core volunteers.
3. It has been often commented: “Hope is very committed.” Please explain.
The correct issue is not whether we are committed but whether Biblical Christians
should be committed. Should we walk fully with God? How is devotion to Christ
a bad thing? The Bible teaches us to love God and to love our neighbours with
all our heart, soul and mind. We are convinced that wholeheartedness is a major
Biblical principle. Jesus not only exemplified commitment but He expects commitment
from those who follow Him. Wholeheartedness was also lived out in the lives of
Paul and the apostles. We are devoted to build local churches the Bible way.
4. Why do we believe and focus on being fruitful and
growing?
Are we a little too number conscious? In 2 Peter 3:9,
we learn that the Lord does not want even one person to perish. So the Lord commissions
the church to go and reach those far from God. The church is charged to grow with
fruitfulness as one running theme across the Bible (Genesis 1:28, John 15). Even
in the natural, all healthy organisms grow. We keep church statistics because
every number represents a person with a name, a face, a family and a need for
God. It is not ‘just’ a number. We remind our members that faith goals are not
the vision. They are but stepping stones to accomplish our vision. We have a famous
Hope saying - “when there is quality there will be quantity.”
5.
Members in the church receive “shepherding”. What does it mean & what is the Biblical
basis of it?
Shepherding is a core characteristic of our church
and our Movement. It describes our basic discipleship process where each member
receives local church covering and coaching. The word “shepherd” appears throughout
the Bible showing up more than 500 times in both the Old and New Testaments. The
shepherd motif is the dominant Biblical model for spiritual leaders. Jesus, the
Chief Shepherd, before He departed from the earth left Peter with the command
“feed my sheep” (John 21:17b). In Hope of God Singapore, we seek to mentor and
build everyone up personally and holistically to advance God’s Kingdom.
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