May 9, 2005

Have not been bloggin much abt my day to day living.. coz really too depressed to do so.. not very encouragin bits

Today shall attempt to blog something personal.. my dad

I tink the closer pple to me would know that he's having this alzhemiers' diesease..
Meanin he will gradullay lose his memory till the day hi smemory is zilch.. zero.

Lately i've been shuttlin to put him into day care.. but he doesn't fit in and he often time finds his opwn way home (Is that a good thing or not)

When he's home, he always (i mean always) shout vugarities and curses that someone is stealing his money.. Wah lau eh.. as an un-employed old man who has food , newspaper & drinks and shelter all available to him , he still has like $60++ bucks on him daily..

He always says someone is takin his money, i tried
a. reasoning with him
b. explaining to him
c. shouting at him to keep quiet
d. ignore his shouts

All the above i tried but he seems to have it his way and lately he turned violent lor..

He took a chair and threw it on the floor, being a feeable plastic chair, it broke into 3 or more pieces... Damit

And now afternoons when my mum takes her nap, he wakes her up and just verbally abuses her.. buay tahan..

DInner time, this si the highlight of the day.. he will eat finish at 6.30pm and at 7pm his routine of lost money begins.. then at 8pm, he will ask everyone to leave the house saying it belongs to his former boss.. He still beleives that his boss gave the house for his accomodation and he says we dun work cannot stay.. WTH.. at this point in time, normally i just lock myself up in the room if i'm at home.. Evening time, i normally try to check if anyone is home, if no one is i try to be home in case anything happens.. My that bummer of a brudder is useless one.. cannot depend on him, later then blog abt that !@#$@#$!%..

Sumtimes i feel myself crumbling under the pressure of my dad's illness.. i dunno.. but it seems that i want to help him but he just falls into those lapses of memory and changes into antoher person.. Just for instance last sat nite, we were supposed to be havign our mothers' day dinner and he chose to go off at that point in time.. he suddenly stands up and starts cussin at my mum.. say some ugly things.. i'm probaly immune to it liaos then my brudder started takin offence, he grabbed him by his neck and takes him one corner.. i was amused initially.. i even told my mum to wathc them instead of the tv.. then it turns out that senior Lee & junior Lee started fightin for real.. i have to step in also lor.. then sighhhhhhhh

i have to pull them apart.. in the process dunno which lee scratched my arm.. alamak the mother day dinner turned out to be a slug fest.. then my dad sat in the living room as usual lor.. my that bummer brudder went out (sat nite ma).. i stayed at home to look after the 2 old folks.. my mother's day dinner also went down the drain.. $80+++ sigh.. heng i ordered the food in to makan.. if eat outside, sighhhh dunno wat would happen sia

ok.. enuff abt my dad..

nx is abt my brudder.. he's another useless bum,... Just ord-ed.. got him a job.. fixed up an interview for him.. have to take him for the interview... then he tell me the boss is useless and he just wants to be a soccer coach..

Wah Lau eh.. can sum1 explain to that useless shitforbrains guy that how much can he earn as a soccer coach.. Kaoz.. then he say ,"I'm still young and can afford the years to waste.. i just want to do wat i like"

Kaoz.. youth, time, passion.. dun talk to me like that.. I've had my fair share fo chances too.. i turned them down all the same.. Upon my ORD, i got a chance to go overseas to do my degree in journalism too.. i gave it up , why? coz i know my parents need me here.. my dad was in initial stage of alzhemiers'..

Passion.. I have my passion too.. i wanted to do youth work too.. but i realise that if i were to do that now, my parents would suffer the cause with me.. i do not want that..

i realise that communism still works to a certain strength.. i used certain strong arm tactics to force him to start work thru my mum

Enuff of complaining.. i'm pretty much exhausted by all these happenings.. really hope for God to show me a way out.. really i did tink of death as a certain option.. but is it..

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Take heart! There will always b pple with worse story to tell than u :p If i were u, I'll save my $ for these kinda rainy days instead on some worthless person. I wan my $ hoo hoo... - neh