I was surfin the net,, and lo and behold.. i stumbled across some indian jokes.. HAhahahha... they took away a precious 3hrs from me... i spent the last 3 hours reading and laughing .. here's some of the better ones...
The Indian & The Porsche
An Indian parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.More than a little distraught, the Indian grabs his mobile and calls the police.
Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the Indian starts screaming hysterically: "My Porsche, my beautiful black Porsche is ruined. No matter how long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"
After the Indian finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust: "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Indians are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."
"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the Indian.
The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you."
The Indian looks down in absolute horror "BLEEDING MONKEY BALLs!!!!!!" he screams........ "Where's my Rolex ????..."
Air India
Surinder's uncle was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"
So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.
The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"
The the uncle took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.
"Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.
Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.
"What is it?" asked the American.
"Sweet of India!" replied the old man.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!" from the uncle.
"What was that?" asked the American in disgust.
The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India!"
TOP TEN LINES USED AT A BHANGRA CLUB
10) I have 10 more silk shirts like this one.
9) Are you attached or unattached?
8) I know a great place where they serve "cholay" by candlelight.
7) You look as sweet as a "jalabee".
6) If I were a raja, I'd make you my rani.
5) How would you like to be my "galabjam"?
4) How're you doing my little laddoo?
3) Say, aren't you box 205, fair,slim, attractive and university educated?
2) "Oh kiddan, babe?" How's it going babe?)
now for the Numero Uno Pick up line BHangra Style...
1) "Tera pind kerha?" (Which village are you from?)
What an Indian Sees in the mirror
An Indian is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The Indian thinks there is another Indian in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat.
5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same Indian. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, which also happens to be an Indian, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The Indian TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out.
Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the indian "I'm sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".
How some Indian marriages start -- The awkward first phone call
The Scene: The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker working in New York. The Boy is doing his residency in Boston and was given her number by his mother, who is a friend of the Girl's aunt's brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife in Chicago.
Monday night, 10 pm
Girl: Hello?
Boy: (Shit, she's home!) Umm, hi! Is this ---?
Girl: Speaking.
Boy: My name is ---. I don't know if you know who I am-
(God, what if she doesn't know who I am? I'll sound like
a complete idiot.) Hell, I already sound like a complete
idiot. I don't even know why I'm doing this!)
Girl: Oh, you live in Boston, right?
Boy: Yeah. (Ok, she was told about me, that's a fucking relief.
I wonder what she was told - "He's a resident, tall, and
fair, and he graduated from Ivy League school!" God, she
probably hates me already!)
Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number.
(I can't believe he actually called!)
Boy: So, how are you? Oh yeah, that's real original, but what the
hell else I am supposed to say- Umm, hi, I don't know you,
but do you want to be wife?)
Girl: I'm fine. And you? (Ok, this is off to a great fucking start)
Boy: I'm good.(Ok, think, think!) So, I heard you're an investment
banker? (Oh, that's a real winner. Now I can be a bad
conversationalist and an idiot!)
Girl: Yes.
Boy: (Ok, she is not helping me at all!) Where do you work?
Girl: Merrill Lynch.
Boy: Hey, that's a great firm! (I sound like a complete moron.
I should just hang up except my mother would somehow find
out and kill me!)
Girl: Yeah, it's a nice place to work. (God, this guy sounds like a complete loser)
Boy: So...(Stall ,stall!)
Girl: So you're doing your residency in cardiology?
(Like my mom didn't tell me that 500 times already!)
Boy: (Ok, I can handle this...) Yeah, I'm in my second year.
(Alright, now say something else, but what do I say? Do you
drink and have sex? Cause if you want to marry me, you can't
be one of those goody goody South Asian girls who think if
they kiss a guy they've practically gone all the way)
So, what do you like to do in your free time?
Girl: (Umm... get wasted...) Oh, you know, hang out with my friends,
go to movies.
Boy: Where do you like to hang out in NY?
Girl: (Shit, what am I supposed to say? This guy could be some
religious freak! I can't say bars - I'll say clubs, you can
go to clubs and not drink...) Oh, sometimes we go to the
movies, or there's a couple clubs that are good... (That
was good, I made it sound like I like clubs, but I'm not
really into them...)
Boy: (Ok, she goes to clubs, that's a good sign. If she was really
religious she wouldn't do that.) Yeah? I like to dance also.
Girl: (He likes to dance- that's a good sign. He can't be that
stiff!) So where do you hang out in Boston?
Boy: (Should I say it- alright, I'll say it, what the hell!)
Umm, the same, bars, clubs, stuff like that.
Girl: (He said bars! So he probably drinks. Good sign. I should
explore this further...) Are there any good bars in Boston?
Boy: Yeah, there are some nice ones, I mean, I'm not a huge drinker,
but I like having a good time. (Ok, that gives the impression
of someone who enjoys drinking but is not an alcoholic -
pretty good, if I do say so myself!)
Girl: (That sounds really positive. This guy sounds kind of cool.
But if he's so cool why is he calling me? Shouldn't he have
a girlfriend? Or not need to call random girls his mother
tells him about? God, what if he's completely ugly? Or has
never been kissed?)
Yeah, me too. Although I hope my parents never find out.
Boy: Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. (I wonder if she's butt)
Girl: (Ok, so he didn't freak out at the living a double life
reference- another good sign. I just wish I knew what he
looked like...) So...
Boy: (Or she could be really fat with a huge mustache. Well, there's
only one way to find out!) So, I know this sounds a little
crazy, but I'm visiting some friends in NYC next weekend and
I wonder if you'd want to get together for coffee sometime.
Girl: (Coffee. That's totally safe. If he's totally nasty I can have
a quick espresso and run like hell!) Yeah, that sounds great.
Boy: (Alright that went pretty well. Coffee's pretty harmless. And
who knows, maybe she'll be cool. Now I have to get the hell
out of this conversation...)
So I have your e-mail, should I just e-mail you soon and
we can figure it out?
Girl: (E-mail is sooo much better than the phone. Thank God for
e-mail!) Yeah, just e-mail, I check it all the time at
work, so- (God, this is getting painful)
Boy: Alright, I'll e-mail you soon.(Meaning in two days cause
I don't want to look too desperate, but at the same time
I don't want to look like I'm trying not to look too desperate)
Girl: Cool. Well, I'm glad you called. (I think...)
Boy: Me too. Well, I'll see you soon.(Please be hot, please be hot!)
Girl: Alright. Bye. (I can't believe he called! Too late to back out
now. Besides, maybe he's cool. He didn't sound so bad on
the phone. I really hope he's not a virgin.)
Boy: Bye.(I did it! I am the man. I think she wants me. Yeah, she
definitely wants me..... I hope she has nice breasts.....)
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