The questions are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e telling the truth).
Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, my dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how extremely lucky I am to meet you & have you by my side."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
1. Baseball.
2. Football.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")
Question # 2: Do you love me?
I totally understand what is racing thru your minds now. Does this even constitute to a question. I mean why you need to know. Arent you already known as my GF/SO. Wah Lau eh.. stop bugging me.
But you really need to give a proper response which is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
1. I suppose so.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?
5. Who, me?
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Best if you can add in a shelled-shocked look.
Among the incorrect answers are:
1. Compared to what? a 5-tonner Army Truck
2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly average.
3. A little extra weight plus padding looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died of heart diseases.
Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
1. Yes, but you have a better personality
2. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
3. Not as pretty as you, when you were her age. (This would open a can of worms.. I mean huge fat mean worms)
4. Define 'pretty'
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
She....Would you get married again?
He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like the idea of being married?
He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?
He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.
Taken from here
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