Salesman of the Month
An Indian moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The Indian says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home".
Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him
a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?"
"Of course," the young man said. His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?
The Indian says, "One"
The manager groans, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales/day.
How much was the sale for?"
The Indian says, "$101, 237.64."
The manager exclaims, "What? $101,237.64? What did you sell him?"
The Indian replied, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero."
The manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!"
The Indian says, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife and I said, "Well, since your weekend's already screwed up you might as well go fishing!!"
The manager fainted...
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TOP 10 INDIAN MERGERS
10. A chain of "Bhaskar-RaoBins" ice cream stores all over the country, in collaboration with Baskin Robins.
9. Kraft will make "PARAMESAN CHEESE" at Madras, in collaboration with Parameswaran & Co.
8. Kentucky Fried Chicken will open its chain of Indian version, to be named, "KARNATAKI FLY-ED CHICKEN" and will be headquartered at Bangalore.
7. Pizza Hut will open a chain, in the back alleys of all cities, its version, to be named:"PICHHE HUT". Headquarters: Kanpur. PICHHE = means back-alleys for the uneducated
6. McDonalds will open its fast food restaurants to be named: "McDosalu". Hqs. Hyderabad. Main menu: Idli and Dosa.
5. Mr. Submarine will name its restaurants as "Mr. SUBRAMANI", to be headquartered at Madras.
4. Red Carpets coloured with biodegradable (hence environmentally friendly) red PAAN. Juice extracts will enjoy duty-free status in US.
3. Dallas Cowboys will own a new franchise: Dilli's COW-BHAIS, to teach Indians how to play Football.... with hands.
2. Duty-free import of Ambassador cars into USA, as long as they are not used outside of Demolition Derby.
1. Internal Revenue Service will provide technology transfer of its Tax System software to Indian Income Tax Dept and to be named: "UNCLE SHYAM".
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All you wanna know about Indians
Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....
Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to
encourage ride-sharing schemes.
Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.
Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.
Q. How come you speak English so well?
A. You see when the British were ruling India,they employed Indians
as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English.
So the British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born speaking English.
Q. Are you a Hindi?
A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would
let me go to school.
Q. India is very hot, isn't it?
A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously.
That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
Q. Are there any business companies in India?
A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of self-sufficiency.
We all make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is is a lot of hard work.
Q. Indians cannot beef, huh?
A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet.
So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the
population of the country, the government is trying to encourage
everyone to eat human meat.
Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing.
That is why things are so inefficient there.
Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?
A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the bottom of our feet to make it hard so that we can walk.
Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
A. I prefer it to coming naked.
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Q: Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
Q: Why do sardars have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: How can you tell when a sardar sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Q: Why can't sardars dial 911?
A: They can not find the eleven on the phone.
Q: How do you get a sardar on the roof?
A: Tell him the drinks are on the house.
Q: What do smart sardars and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them.
Q: Why does it take longer to build a sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: How do you measure a surd's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear!
Q: How do you keep a Surd busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Q: A surd going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SURD THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: How do you make a surd laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the surd doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the surd stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do surds work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.
Q: Why did god give surds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you confuse a surd?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
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An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.
He asked "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him.
When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees", he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said
"No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister !!
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(ED: This has to be Oliver's fave joke..we still talk abt these stuff time to time..)
What do you call a single singh?
Juswant Singh
What do you call a newborn singh?
Singlet?
What do you call a singh with single ball?
Balwant Singh
What do you call a singh with two balls?
Balan Singh (Balancing)
What do you call a singh with three balls?
Amazing
What do you call a triad member singh?
Sam Singh (Samseng)
What do you call lost singh?
Missing
What do you call a singh that is related to a boat?
Karpal Singh?
What will happen if he drowns?
Karam Singh
What do you call that singh who whacked you up nicely?
TIU NI AH SINGH!!!
What do you call a bionic singh?
Turban-nator!
What will Yoda say if he sensed an evil jedi singh?
“Hmmm…dis-TURBAN-ce in the force I sensed”
What’s a singh favourite mode of transport?
Bai-cycle
What’s a singh favourite book?
Bai-ble(I'm sorry Lord! but hey they mite get saved)
What’s a singh favourite subject?
You guessed it! Bai-logy
What will you name a boy band singh group?
N-Singh
What’s will their no.1 hit song be?
Bai Bai Bai
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Well you reach the final piece of gem. really black gold...
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