An Angry Post ?

The question was asked for the umpteen time: What do I look for in a future partner?

The answer that ran through my head was: My taste in women is so inexplicably bad that the only women I ever seem to fall for seem to be those who either are emotionally unsettled or would never fall for me and that the only suitable partners for me are those who I have absolutely no interest in. In whichever case, my entire love life seems an eternal doom.

And the answer that came out of my mouth: I have no idea.

A horrible realization has just dawned on me. I was at a wedding rehearsal a few hours ago and realized that most of my friends here are either getting married or dating / in the process of courtship with the rare exception of outstanding individuals like myself. I remember naively coming into this year(and the year before and the previous year before that) thinking that I'm finally going to get attached.

I don't think I've ever felt more single in my life than I do now. I swear I nearly have to remind myself that I'm "single and lovin' it" every-single-bleeding-day just so that I won't forget that being single is not a handicap but is a status just as good as that of being attached.

I can imagine all the consoling words I'd get if I were ever to speak my mind on this. One of them would be the dreaded "you're still young". Of course that only serves to make me feel even more shittier because hey, I'll never be as old as the people offering those 'consoling' words.

And so at the rehearsal, a now-no-longer-so-close fren of mine asked me, "So, when is your turn man?"

I gave him the finger literally.

But politeness and a pastor and a church setting restrained the inner rebel in me.

I told him politely that my absconded rib was still very much missing like Selamat. Only difference is mine ish a woman who's blonde and brainy whilst Selamat is a wanted terrorist.

Everyone laughed. in an awkward fashion.
And then he asked in a somewhat rhetorical fashion if there was any interests. I think it's not a matter of whether or not I have any interest for anyone. I do to be honest. It's just that i dun tink it's pretty mutual. Tink Megan Fox, Jessica Biel / Alba.

There's this person whom I'm interested in who we shall refer to as The Girl because to refer to this mystery person as The Guy might give my parents a heart-attack and my frenz a round of beer that i m finally coming out of the closet and I wouldn't want that to happen. REALLY

Alas but that's just a crush shrouded in the fog(this my frenz, ish the mudder of all fogs) of wistful thinking. But at the end of the day, when all the crushes are faded and all my wishful thinking was wrong, I'm jaded and I hate it.

I guess what I'm trying to say in this diarrhea-ic diatribe is, to sum it up in five words is:

***ked upped and ***k it.