In a poll taken by TalkingCock.com, citizens are scratching their head over certain unexplained details in the just-released report on how terrorist Mat Alamak escaped from Whitley Road Detention Centre:
How Come Urinal Got Door One?
Most of the men quizzed by TalkingCock were bugged by one particular detail: that Mat Alamak had used a "urinal cubicle" and "closed the door", after which he escaped through an unsecured ventilation window.
"Since when urinal got cubicle one?" asked Mr. Khee Shee Shee, 42. "And since when got door?"
"All this time, people thought he must have gone to berak because that's really the only time people close the door, betul tak?" said Mr. Mohd Kencing bin Tandas, 28. "Learning that he could escape while peeing really pisses me off!"
"Why would anyone build a urinal cubicle with doors, unlike 99.999% of most male toilets?" ranted Mr. Khee. "Is it because at ISD they're too shy to see each other's ku ku chiao? Mini-star Wong talks about them like they're so tua kee, but if they must have doors to hide, then they must be dickless wonders!"
Did PCK Help MSK?
According to the State's Times: "grilles had not been fixed to that particular toilet window due to a misunderstanding between the ISD and the contractor. The superintendent of the centre, who was alerted to this weakness in May 2007, asked the contractor to saw off the window handle as a security measure instead, which Mr Wong said was a bad judgement on the superintendent's part."
According to respondents of the poll, the number one question was whether the contractor in question was Phua Chu Kang.
"In tenders for sensitivie public buildings, we expect the Gahmen to have chosen only the best in Singapore, and maybe also JB and Batam," said Mrs. Quah Thean See. "Which leaves really only one suspect."
Respondents called for an investigation into PCK Pte Ltd, including issues like:
• How come run contractor company can also have TV show?
• Doesn't that prove he's not paying attention to work?
• How come can get Gahmen contract, but still dun get rid of the cheapo perm?
When informed that Phua Chu Kang was a fictitious character, the respondents did not back down.
"If they can make him up, then maybe they're making up stuff in the report too!" huffed Mrs. Quah.
CCTV at Polling Centre, But Not Detention Centre?
Respondents were also aghast that our closed-circuit surveillance systems could be operating at polling centres (where one's vote is supposed to be secret) and at resolutions high enough to identify the documents that opposition politicians are sneaking into their bags, but not working at the nation's highest security detention centre, housing terrorists.
"I think we should install CCTV at the Cabinet's offices, to see if they're really working for their multi-million dollar salaries or not," suggested Mr. Bak Chor Mee. "Must check if, like the CCTVs at Whitley, they're damn switch off."
How Did WKS Escape?
Possibly the biggest question of all for the respondents was: how did Hum Affairs Mini-star and Jaga-in-Chief WongKan Singh escape liability?
"In other countries, by right, if you got a giant cockup under you, whether or not you yourself did the cockup, you boh pian must resign leow," said Mdm Avoy Ding. "But in Singapore, you can just carry on and earn big money.
Also, the Criminal Investigation Department found "no indication of criminal negligence, intentional omission and collusion by any of the staff at the Whitley Road Detention Centre" and "has also decided not to take action against anyone", and that regular professional disciplinary procedures will be instituted instead.
"Now we know that in Singapore, losing a homicidal terrorist because of a cock up with contractors, adding doors to places that don't usually have doors, having super lepak monitoring procedures in a high security facility, all this stuff is not criminal negligence," said Mr. Chin Too Lan, 37. "If Mat Alamak manages to kill somebody later, can we Singaporeans sue the Gahmen for civil negligence?"
But when Mr. Chin telephoned his lawyer to pose that question, he was informed that his lawyer was too busy tendering for the contract to handle Gahmen defamation suits against JBJ's new party.
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