Ramblings of an Inane Mind

I realize that I do not take failure **particularly** well.
Every time I fail, I would crawl back into my shell and pretend that I have not tried.
Then I would withdraw my efforts and strength little by little, because I refuse to let failures again reaffirm my disabilities.

This process takes me about 6 mths

I then pretend that I have not cared at all and that I am really just an ignorant and uncaring person who does not take pride in his work and life

And I hesitate to throw my heart again into my work or indulge in a passion for fear of I will fall yet again and find my heart and self esteem ultimately shattering to bits.

I tink i’m juz weak.
I’m not number one in any way.
I have got to accept that it takes more than just a spark of brilliance/potential inside a person to succeed.

I think I’m doing a lot of things for myself instead of for other people.

Do I always think of myself first instead of considering the needs of the people around me? Do I go out of my way for my friends and family?

Somebody answer these puhleaseeeeeeee

I no longer live for other people and I don’t know exactly how exactly it would be to say that I’m living my life for God.

The thing is I used to think I know but I just get more and more confused and disoriented along the way by new perspectives and circumstances and events that pop out and up in my life.

I may have thought that I was living my life in a certain way before for a certain reason but I realized that when you indulged yourself too much in a certainty of something, especially of your own character, it is so hard to decrypt that shred fibre of deceit or delusion.

I ended up a creature of my creation.

Sighs.

I guess I’m really stressed. writing this at this ungodly hour..