Recounting my life at 32

擁有的多，不一定讓人滿足；擁有的少，不一定讓人貧乏。

As a teenager I spent most of my time on basketball courts and void decks and billiard saloons and coffeeshops.

I sat through countless futile 'negotiations' and scraped thru countless pointless arguments and fights during my teenage years.

Of course, there were the women in my life as well. That's another story for another day.

Some things feature prominently thru out my entire 32 years of existence.

Namely Church, Friends and Basketball.

Haha..

Why Church?

Let me confess something first. I've always thought church is boring as a teenager. I have always imagined pple going to church is akin to students going to school for lessons. I was sick and tired of listening to someone talk in front while I have to sit down and listen for 30 -45mins at a stretch. The songs that we had to sing were boring and when I was a non-believer, they didn't really mean anything except for a chance to rebel and just lip-sync or substitute certain words for laughs. One of those things I always do is to doze off and catch up on my sleep.

And when I always jeered at those who say they have to go to church on Sunday mornings.. I even managed to diss someone till he actually din go. Till date i still regret this. My utmost apologies to Jerry.

Well, since that time, I've become an "ardent fan" of going to church. Not that it's anything hip to do or that I go there to look and act holy, but church has become much more than waking up early on Sunday mornings to say my prayers and confess my sins. Well, as my pastor used to say, "Unless u have King Kong sitting on you or there's a national state of emergency, Nothing else is gonna stop us form going to Church" Well, I tink I m pretty sinless from this apart from the occasional physical exhaustion or temporary disablement actually stopped me from going to church and there are good reasons why, something I hope non-church-going Christians friends of mine and non-believing good friends of mine out there will read about here.

Church/Christianity is not a building/ religion.

This is what my pastor says.

It is about a family/ community of believers of a supernatural relationship between God and Man. Namely Jesus reaching out to us.

Alot of pple tend to diss Christianity as overbearing (evangelism) and pesky (follow-up).

Well, if you ask me, look at it this way, I found a nice char kway teow. Its cheap and good. Lots of hum and extra noodles and chilli upon request at no cost. Furthermore there's space there for everyone. Would I not share this?

I am not on a evangelistic roll now.

I know I have many (probably countless) flaws and sins. But ultimately I know I have a Friend in Jesus amongst many others.

When I'm with my church mates, I learnt of their joys and their pain in their walk with God. I tell of my own thanksgiving. I learnt again and again that I am not alone in this long and winding road towards Christlike-ness, and more importantly that our faith is real, and that there are people who are willing to bank their entire lives solely for the faith alone.

I aspire and want to be like them though I fail on many counts.

I see the work of God in my life and my church friends' lives. I see miracles though nothing like the parting of the Red Sea but ordinary things, which is enough to prove God's existence to me like cabs stopping in front of me, friends remembering me thru little notes and cards and the recent holidays.

I learn the meaning of accountability thru my years in church. I have made my public confession of good faith in front of them, and in my confession, promised to keep true to the Lord, both to them, to myself and most importantly, to Him. I backslide easily, and there are always hands to reach out and grab when I feel myself falling from grace. Some hands are weak, some are strong, but nonetheless they are there, always.

I think alot about theological issues. Sometimes, the mystery of God is too much to take and silly ideas come up to challenge my faith. Church is where I go to seek answers, from Christians who have asked the same questions before. There aren't always answers, but there is the faith which they demonstrate in their life and words. The faith is so simple, yet so complex….And I realise there's no need to be another smart aleck. As a great hokkien once said, "Cho lang kiang tio ho, mai gek kiang". The bible has a simpler one in Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding" For leaning on our own understanding, is a common mistake we often make.

I've never been a good singer, and get tired of singing easily. But I never cease to be amazed by the songs which were penned by Christians, which often describe so accurately my own circumstances, situations, joy and pain. Often, to tell the truth, the songs are just sung for the sake of singing, but there are times when they minister to my soul so strongly I weep.

Lastly, and most importantly on why I go to church. To show love, admiration and respect to my God. I can of coz do it by myself, but isn't better to feel the joy of others worshipping God alongside you? Isn't it great to know that you'll be seeing these people for eternity, as we take on new bodies and see God in all his glory?