January 5, 2005

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME SPENT WITH ME THAT FATEFUL NITE..Really appreciate meetin up wif u guys...coz its been ages since we trio last met up...

Of coz i knew of ur objectives & purpose in meetin up one la.. Wanna ask me or rather tell me not to mope ard anymore / to pick up myself and move on blah blah blah.....


I tink i've already reached a decision in my heart..
I've chosen to wait for her and let her tell me wat she wants..
Is this a decision or wat..
This decision isn't reached by like u know just sit down & tink & 'VOILA' it happen-ed..
This is a decision reached amongst much angst/hurt/heart-pain/frustration..
I know i told her that i m willing to take a back seat but i m only tryin to make her feel beta at my expense..

Really.. it really cuts real deep

I know this decision of mine hurts & cuts me real deep..
I've fallen hopelessly in love with a woman who fell outta love with me..
I'm hurt and i know it..
I'm still tryin to numb the pain within me..
But i too believe that i will grow stronger thru this..

Have been in Genting over the past few days..
Had times of solitude..
But it isn't helpin me much really
I hate the feelin of loneliness
I hate myself for regrettin
I hate myself for wallowin
I hate myself for not being myself
I hate myself for fallin in love

Why do i persist in waitin, u might ask..
Is this guy a goner liaos ? or has he finally lost it ?
He is nothing more than an idiot who believes in keepin his promise to a girl whom he has given his whole heart away..

Is there any promise or any commitment from her ? u might ask
There's none.. Really..
So why am i the pragmatic/practical/logical me doing such an 'loser' act...
Hahaha...laugh to ur heart's content.. Simply coz i can find no way out..
Right now i can only put up a strong facade and let pple tink i m like so over it..

Sumtimes i wonder if i made the right choice to fall in love..
I've never regretted loving her..
Similiarly i've never regretted making the decision to obey Him..
1 thing's for sure.. I have never regretted loving her or giving her my best..
For she deserves nothing but the best.. Maybe we juz ain't meant for each other..

Strangely even as i blog this out, my heart or rather wat's left of it is hurtin..

I tink/know/suspect quite a few pple read my blog.. Why do i persist in blogging.. I believe i started this mess.. I should be responsible enuff to clear it up and show that we have to make a stand.. Despite the repercussions & hurts ..

If u wanna know more, you can call me or email me to find out more.. But do not pass any remark at my stoopidity for it is not to me.

I've made my stand & decision, So pls help me God.

No comments: