My Funeral aka. sumtin i wanna do for my funeral

this is an update of the post i did 7 mths back.. have new ideas mah... on how to die...


These few days, i seen alot of funerals being held ard.. read some on blogs.. seen some at void decks.. heard of sum of fren's fren died... some of my fren's relatives passed away... even more so.. one of my distant distant someone passed away.. I got started off this blog when i read a blog somewhere... certain ideas are sparked form him (sorry if u see somewat similiar ideas from ur blog ; but seriously i aint bothered lor coz i tink ur ideas are diff from mine.. Mine is so much more better)

sumtimes it makes u wonder how Life is so fragile. One moment, kicking with life - the next moment, resting within 4 wooden planks at the foot of the block. In fact, I hate that...not because of death but rather what people would do to me when I am gone.

so i would liek to give u the INSTRUCTIONS on how to do me Funeral..

Actually First and foremost..dun call it a Funeral.. pls call it a Bon Voyage party.. or Destination Heaven-Bound... hahaha.. make it hip mah.. so more pple will come to give pek-kim.. hahahaha

Here are some of those things that I would rather like to have for my funeral:

1) first to determine a venue.... I want a party @ Void Deck... I want to throw a farewell party for myself... really.. we can hold it at the void deck lah... then get Fey to dj for me.. we can hold trance parties and house parties with VIP entries and invited guest list only...

2) Next is to determine my religious afilliation...Definitely No fakey monks chanting songs or some strange Taoist-performance (like throwing paper money or walking over a short bridge)... Though if the ren-ci monk wants to jump down my blk to resuscitate me, let him do it lah.. Get a pastor to rest my spirit lah and pray that I may find Christ when he returns.. meanwhile let me haf a good sleep in paradise.. Am I a Christian? Yes, I believe in Chirst. Have I been churchy? No... so i would opt for my Fave pastors to share abt Jesus to m non-believing frenz.. in fact i tink i did a script some years back... abt my life.. wat i been thru.. God is real..

3) Obituaries.. At first, I often wonder why people want to put death adverts of their loved ones in the papers? Why spent that good moola... now i realise actually it serves as a a last notice for those peeps who only read newspapers
and dun step outta of their house and haf no life. So They really have no excuse nto to know abt me and owe me the pek kim. The Ob would be to inform when is my body leaving my house, so that they can pick up their arses and come down and pay their dues.. Oh yah, must put in a clause at my obituary tat All gifts and cash are accepted but Visa & Master are most prefered .. hahahhaa... Then i must get wenjun to design a media showcase for me... and sell photos Cds.. make a tidy profit before i really go into the furnace..

4) Music. Keep them playing in my ipod or lappie.. What kind of music... So simple, play those I have in my playlists lah.. every idiot knows my fave list.. Last resort, get Jacob Teo & Shirls to sing for me lah... sing my fave songs ok, otherwise i will arise from my coffin and strangle those two..

5) Food. No vegetarian food plss... i want tonnes of good food.. i remember my mum's curry chicken.. Fish Fingers.. Sausage Mcmuffins with egg.. Beef Redang.. And etc etc.. Oh yah, Red wine is good too..

6) Visitors. this is a toughie... Coz i want to invite every tom dick and harry i know but i tink my mum would object.. See she nags till the day i die.. even when i am already dead.. hahaha.. So I have to be very selective.. specifically for first day would be frenz & work related frenz only... they can be from anywhere.. police force lah.. some disco kakis, even Qing mei mei or Annabelle.. just to name a few.. Second day would be close frenz.. this is my church pple, my outlaw gang, my secondary blood brothers, my basketball team mates, my brothers from PP.. all my XMMs.. though this last group might overlap abit from yesterday lah...

7) Gifts. No flowery thick blankets, no wreaths and flowers.. these 2 things are not only too out-dated.. but read my lips, U-S-E-L-E-S-S lor... Send things like cash, more cash & more more cash.

8) Activities. this is abit dumb.. but i actually thot of a prog...

1830 - Emcee Arrives
1900 - Emcee begins welcome speech ; DJ spins a tune
1910 - DJ carries on with progressive ; Then Free flow chrysenthemum(boiled by my mum) goes on
1945 - Guest Speaker arrives ; A short eulogy of me is read and a word of exhortation
2000 - frenz takes turns to exalt me (ego-session) 45 min very short hor~
2045 - Guest speaker closes in prayer

Party continues.. with mahjong clatter and dia tee going on till late..


9) Attire. Tee-shirts & Berms only. You guys know this is my fave set of clothing.. those who wear LS shirts, have to strip half naked lor.. maybe i just spare PJ lah.. hee~

10) Bury or Burn? I tink i prefer to be burnt.. coz it really saves space and moola.. no need to pay that caretaker at CCK.. just put the ashes in an urn.. dun go spreadin it over the sea.. u guys know i prefer land lor.. if possible, put the ashes into a nice urn with FHM babe of the year(Yr that i died lor)

Above are the things i really want at my death.. really.. most imptly, i dun want pple to cry, i want pple to be happy.. at least at my death, they will find God too.. though not thru my life.. bt at least thru my death... I know my life is not alot.. not alot to mention.. not alot to speak of.. but i know i am able to change a few.. at least thru my death..

Last but not least.. take out a grand or so from the pek kim and get wenjun to setup a flash webby.. take great videos, foto shots of the funeral and market the idea and copyright it to me (so that my family can get the royalties) and put the whole thing on the webby.. oh yah.. give 50% proceeds to my church (otherwise my pastor will come to wake me up and ask me to pay tithe leh)

PS: i am not suicidal here k.. dun go gmailing me.. and be worried.. but if u really want to make me feel better, send me money lah.. i know this sounds superficial but i aint that deep to understand lor..i just take time.. i is just me