WAYS TO SCARE A TELE-MARKETEER !

Tired of complete strangers calling you up and trying to sell you stuff or get you to sign up for some donno what MLM deal? Neh’mine! Here are some WAYS TO SCARE A TELEMARKETER!


1. Ask him to talk v-e-r-y slooooowly, because you want to write down EVERY WORD he says.

2. After he finishes saying all his marketing crap, tell him he must marry you first, before you sign on. When he acts all surprised, say, “What, you expect me to give my credit card details to a complete stranger, meh?”

3. When he introduces himself (e.g. “Sammy”), immediately say, “Wah piang eh! Sammy! Long time no see, man! How are you! Are you still living in that old place?” This should stun Sammy for a while, as he scrambles to remember where he might know you from.

4. If he says he’s, e.g. Tan Ah Seng from ABC Pte Ltd, ask him to spell his name. Then ask him to spell the company name. Then ask him where it’s located. Continue asking him personal questions or questions about the company for as long as you feel like it.

5. Insist the caller is actually your friend Benny, playing a joke. “Eh, Benny, dun lai dat leh! Stop playing the fool! Seriously lah, Benny, how’s your mother, ah? Is she out of the hospital yet?” Etc, etc.

6. After he finishes his pitch, say in a very creepy voice, “Thank you for calling me. I don’t have many friends… do you want to be my friend?”

7. If he asks, “How are you?” Tell him! “Wah lau, siong, man! Got so many problems. My fish all died, lah, then my mother and father had this big argument until neighbours call police all, and then lagi worse, donno why, but my crotch whole day was very itchy, so I went to the clinic and then…” Continue till he hangs up.

8. Tell him you’re busy at the moment, and ask him for his HOME number so you can call him back. He’ll try to give his office number, but insist on his HOME NUMBER. When he says he can’t give his HOME NUMBER, ask him, “You do’wan some funny stranger calling you up at home and disturbing you, is it?” He will agree and say,

“Then now you know how I feel!” And then hang up.

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