February 18, 2010

What are the best one-liners you know?

Contributed by Mad-Dog

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

If meat is murder, then milk is kidnapping, extortion, and first degree assault
If God hadn't meant for us to eat animals he wouldn't have made them out of meat.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Drink your coffee; there are children sleeping in Africa.

The definition of trust is two cannibals giving each other blow jobs.

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

My relationships are like furniture from Ikea: I do all the work and two years later it falls apart.

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.

100 million sperm and you were the fastest?

"I saw a homeless guy eating grapes and I said 'No dude, you have to wait.'"

Two Irishmen throwing stones at the ground; one missed.

"It's easy to quit smoking. I've done it hundreds of times."

"Give a man match and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"As long as there are exams, there'll be prayer in public schools."

So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

So a baby seal walks into a club...

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