This is funny taken off an email from how joo...
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1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for
;the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree
and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of
marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman
speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR
listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You
order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you
had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself
married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found
>himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the
wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his
wife until he marries her.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a
10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her.
They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They
just can't face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the
marriage becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems
longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL
>HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE.
WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but
if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lighs on.
26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING
YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE
WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up
with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a
hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one
thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
March 5, 2005
March 4, 2005
Rejected Oscar Categories
The Academy Awards are over and here are some categories that should be there, but kena chopped:
1. Greatest Disregard Shown to the Basic Laws of Physics
2. Most Heck Care Adaptation
3. Best Disguised Product Placement
4. Most Overpaid Actor or Actress
5. Best Performance by a Female Running Through the Rain in a Clingy, Almost Transparent Dress
6. Cheapest Special Effects
7. Best Tear-Jerking ‘Handicapped’ Performance by a Non-Handicapped Actor
8. Best Performance by a Body Double
9. Greatest Test of Bladder Control
10. Picture That is Liked Only By The Speccy Nerds In Your Class
11. Best Removal of Clothes For No Apparent Reason
12. Best Catch Phrase That You and Your Wu Liao Friends Will Keep Repeating to Each Other in the Coming Weeks
13. Movie Most Likely To Turn Up at Your Bus Interchange Before Its Release Date
14. Best Movie That Sure Kena Censored in Singapore
15. Best Movie That Sure Won’t Be Shown in Singapore In The First Place
© http://www.TalkingCock.com 2001-2003. All rights reserved
1. Greatest Disregard Shown to the Basic Laws of Physics
2. Most Heck Care Adaptation
3. Best Disguised Product Placement
4. Most Overpaid Actor or Actress
5. Best Performance by a Female Running Through the Rain in a Clingy, Almost Transparent Dress
6. Cheapest Special Effects
7. Best Tear-Jerking ‘Handicapped’ Performance by a Non-Handicapped Actor
8. Best Performance by a Body Double
9. Greatest Test of Bladder Control
10. Picture That is Liked Only By The Speccy Nerds In Your Class
11. Best Removal of Clothes For No Apparent Reason
12. Best Catch Phrase That You and Your Wu Liao Friends Will Keep Repeating to Each Other in the Coming Weeks
13. Movie Most Likely To Turn Up at Your Bus Interchange Before Its Release Date
14. Best Movie That Sure Kena Censored in Singapore
15. Best Movie That Sure Won’t Be Shown in Singapore In The First Place
© http://www.TalkingCock.com 2001-2003. All rights reserved
March 3, 2005
March 2, 2005
Moving Thots
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back!
Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
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Got this email from a close fren whom i spoke to... He is truly a good fren... Always there to support me when i needed a hand... Most imptly he's my team mate..
When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back!
Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
*********************************************************************
Got this email from a close fren whom i spoke to... He is truly a good fren... Always there to support me when i needed a hand... Most imptly he's my team mate..
March 1, 2005
Why go to church?
For those days when sermons and services were long, there is a purpose....
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A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them.
So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
" I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today! "
When you are DOWN to nothing...
God is UP to something!
Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!
Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!
I think everyone should read this!! "When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Lord, could you get that for me?
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I received this email from yuan yuan.. haha .. but i dun advocate u guys being pew warmers k... we must actively involve ourselves in watever ways we can.. like if u r super unavailable like me (havign to travel on weekends and stuff like that), you can always offer to take up some cg roles like holy communion or offer to help to org birthdays or stuff like that... juz a little thing...to involve urself lor
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A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them.
So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."
This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:
" I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today! "
When you are DOWN to nothing...
God is UP to something!
Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!
Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!
I think everyone should read this!! "When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Lord, could you get that for me?
**********************************************************************************
I received this email from yuan yuan.. haha .. but i dun advocate u guys being pew warmers k... we must actively involve ourselves in watever ways we can.. like if u r super unavailable like me (havign to travel on weekends and stuff like that), you can always offer to take up some cg roles like holy communion or offer to help to org birthdays or stuff like that... juz a little thing...to involve urself lor
February 27, 2005
Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Learn Bahasa
Supporting MnM Lee’s call to learn Bahasa Malaysia (see, we don’t always criticise the Gahmen, one), we have compiled a list of “Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Learn Bahasa”.
1. So that you can ask our national football team players for autographs.
2. So that you can hurl insults at visiting Malaysian and Indonesian football teams during Tiger Cup.
3. So that you can ask the prata man to add less oil.
4. So that you can build rapport with the despatch clerk in your office.
5. So that you know how to negotiate your “traffic fine” with Malaysian traffic policemen.
6. So that, if you were abducted, you can tell your JI kidnappers how much you hate Bush.
7. So that you can remind your maid you won’t pay for medical bills if she falls out of the flat while cleaning windows.
8. So that you can understand our National Anthem, a.k.a. “Ma-li-ki-ta”.
9. So that you can understand what Taufik is singing.
10. So that your neighbour will invite you to void deck weddings – where else can you get good, home-cooked nasi padang for $2 ang pao?
© http://www.TalkingCock.com 2001-2003. All rights reserved.
1. So that you can ask our national football team players for autographs.
2. So that you can hurl insults at visiting Malaysian and Indonesian football teams during Tiger Cup.
3. So that you can ask the prata man to add less oil.
4. So that you can build rapport with the despatch clerk in your office.
5. So that you know how to negotiate your “traffic fine” with Malaysian traffic policemen.
6. So that, if you were abducted, you can tell your JI kidnappers how much you hate Bush.
7. So that you can remind your maid you won’t pay for medical bills if she falls out of the flat while cleaning windows.
8. So that you can understand our National Anthem, a.k.a. “Ma-li-ki-ta”.
9. So that you can understand what Taufik is singing.
10. So that your neighbour will invite you to void deck weddings – where else can you get good, home-cooked nasi padang for $2 ang pao?
© http://www.TalkingCock.com 2001-2003. All rights reserved.
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