Fathers Day

Saw this yesterday and teared abit.
Thought of my dad.

Do watch this show. Simon Yam gave a Stirling performance.

Happy Father's Day.

祝釩剛告解 MV

Lyrics

傳聞中的蝶　愛上花的美
露宿在荒野　選擇孤獨的喜悅
愛上誰　怎麼也不會累　你逃離的航線　我始終追隨

學不會忘卻　註定要心碎
你曾說完美　所以不能挽回
從相戀　到離別　溫柔早被曲解　相擁卻流下淚

害怕去告解　甚至無法閉上雙眼去感覺
也許是我習慣忽略　能　讓你快樂的泉源
我自私的向你包圍　想靠近卻被愛隔絕

誰傾聽我告解　用戀愛的雙眼　施捨些安慰
祈求不是我的執著　讓　你對愛產生錯覺
我只是用我的一切　表達我對你永遠不變


Got reminded of this song last night while watching 超級星光大道

*S*I*G*H*

是你決定我的傷心

没有 iPOD shuffle 的日子

T.O.D.A.Y

Today is a special day.

Not because i forgot my HP like someone else
Not because it rained.
Not becaused they served us curry for lunch today.

It is my Dad's Birthday.


31 July 2008 marks the anniversary of my Dad's passing.

Today would have been his 70th birthday.


And i m at a lost for words as i type this entry.


There are many things i want to tell him. Many things i want him to do. Many things i hope he cna advise. Many things i hope he will tell me to go take a drink and sweep it under the carpet as he will take care of it.

Many many many things... ...

I wanna blog about the things i did this morning before i came office.
I wanna blog what i saw at the columbarium.
I wanna blog how i woke up late, how i hurriedly rushed through stuff just to hit office at 9am for meetings and only to forget my mobile.


All i wanna say is really...

How much i miss his tobacco smell.
How much i miss coming home to him watching TV.
How much i miss reading Chinese newspapers.
How much i miss someone nagging at me to clean my room.



In reality, how much i miss him.

Further Ramblings on a Friday

I can't get to sleep.
I can't get to sleep because I'm too afraid to wake up tomorrow.

Song starts

Ramblings of an Inane Person on a Friday

在故事性的架構中，
有著平凡但又能感同身受的情感，
触动人心，回忆往往难以从心中删去

聽的太難過,而是我喜歡的人點的歌
感覺到他的心痛,所以更心痛~



我問為什麼　那女孩傳簡訊給我　而你為什麼　不解釋　低著頭沉默
我該相信你很愛我　不願意敷衍我　還是明白你已不想挽回什麼

＃想問為什麼　我不再是你的快樂　可是為什麼　卻苦笑說我都懂了
　自尊常常將人拖著　把愛都走曲折　假裝了解是怕　真相太赤裸裸
　狼狽比失去難受

＊我懷念的是無話不說　我懷念的是一起做夢
　我懷念的是爭吵以後　還是想要愛你的衝動
　我記得那年生日　也記得那一首歌
　記得那片星空　最緊的右手　最暖的胸口
　(誰記得)　誰忘了

Repeat ＃,＊

我懷念的是無言感動　我懷念的是絕對熾熱
我懷念的是你很激動　求我原諒抱得我都痛
我記得你在背後　我記得我顫抖著
記得感覺洶湧　最美的煙火　最長的相擁

誰愛的太自由　誰過頭太遠了　誰要走我的心　誰忘了那就是承諾
誰自顧自地走　誰忘了看著我　誰讓愛變沉重　誰忘了要給你溫柔

(我懷念的)　我還有想要愛你的衝動
我記得那年生日　也記得那一首歌
記得那片星空　最緊的右手　最暖的胸口
我放手　我讓座　假灑脫　誰懂我多麼不捨得
太愛了　所以我　沒有哭　沒有說


馬的, 害我哭了...

Nice Postcards

Seeking attention the wrong way often winds us up.. the wrong way too.



Need I say more? ha ha ha... ...



and if u dun stare back, i will stab u with my orange pointed comb according to some cake.



Have an imaginary friend. In fact, have a couple, have more. Have a whale of time, talking to No1 No2 No3 etc...

all images are courteousy of here

原來這裡沒有你

A whirlwind of 5 days.

Seeing all the old and familiar faces arriving,

Some of them with flushed faces,
Some of them with lines clearly across the faces.

Yet i see them all mourning your loss.

The Taoist priest went off in hakka about your story,
as though he knew you personally.

He spoke of your youth and your struggles.
He spoke of your pain and your joys.

Second morning I see 3yr old Iggy crying and asking for his ah gong to bring him out for a walk.
An older 5yr old Xingyan went to him and pat him on his shoulders,
proclaiming that "Ah Gong sit aeroplane liaos"

Was that supposed to be comic relief or relief that we dun have to explain death to a couple of tots.

i dunno... all i heard in the background were muffled sobbing and weeping.

My Godma told me this,

"How do you feel? Do you know he's gone? Forever? We will never get to see him anymore again."

My heart took a hit then.

She carried on,

"I dunno how i gonna wake up without him by my side."
"If only... .... ..."

I lost myself there.

The nights were long... People were generally talking about everything except him.

I had the privilege of staying up for the nights.

On the last night, me and 3 other brothers decide to play mahjong to while away time and to keep awake..

My Second Brother said this,

"He would never allow us to play mahjong so late one;
why dun we sit away from his altar."

All has been said and done in this another chapter of my life.

July has indeed been a bad month for me.

I lost 2 Fathers in the space of 1 year.

Paper Anniversary

31st July 2008 marks the 1 year that you’ve been apart from us physically.
Mentally was 6 years ago.

I tink you’ve found peace and release in the netherworld.

I never knew living without you in my life was so tough.

This entire 365 days was spent numbing myself the first 4 months…
then losing my identity over the subsequent 4
And finally picking up the pieces over the last period.

Mum is fine.
She has visited temples in China with her sisters.
She adores my little nephew whom adores her equally.
Both of them spend most time together.

I am glad that little punk is helping her.

Life gives rise to life.

I remember my dad being a bit of a character, which is my experience that as men (and really women too, but I'm focusing on dad) age, their idiosyncrasies that are kinda funny and it juz blows up into just plain ridiculous and nuts. I can't speak for everyone but I think most dad's are a bit looney in their own way as they and us age together.



My dad is wonderfully generous and completely dedicated to his family.
My dad is a biker fanatic and he has probably every class of license there is, he has had a Yamaha Bike for about the last 10 years, my mom was constantly nagging at him to get rid of his riding. His main biker buddy is also a man whom he works for before his illness and a co-investor in his business. They used to go to biking trips all the way up to Southern Thailand and Malaysian States every year. (They don't go as much in the recent years due to constant family nagging and the long ride on the North-south highway which wipes them out physically and mentally)



This is my Dad
The best father a kid could ever have
You laughed a lot and kept me happy
Even if some of your jokes were kinda crappy.

Never punished for my stubborn pride
You bought me all my wants
At times I was sent to bed without any dinner
You would bring me to McDonalds
On the pretense of buying evening papers
In my eyes, Dad, you are always my Hero.

From broken legs to a broken life
You helped me though all of life’s transitions
As I grew older, I grew to learn how hard it was for you
But your resilient love for me kept shining through.

You were always there to calm all my fears
Until that day I found you deeply asleep
During my many crises, you always knew what to do
I yearned to learn more from you.

But you left me to fend on my own.
After 30 years of walking with me,
Hand by hand,
You let go.



Today marks a year of living life without you.

Emo-ing

nice Song.

Life @ Present

The sun will shine after the rain.
The rain is finally over.
The sun is smiling yet again, as always
This is how we ought to look at things after the rough moments.
It had been really tough and rough.
Life is never been perfect.
There are things that will just spiral totally out of control.
Yet in the end it all comes to an abrupt stop.

Like the rain, which pitters patters against the window pane
Like the sun, which definitely rises after the rain

All like clockwork.

This is the way Life works. Like clockwork.

Patience will drain.
Rage will stir.
Silence will end.

After it all ends, you will be left with a mess of emotions.

What Doesnt Kill you ;
Will not necessary make you stronger, contrary to what others might say ;
It will incapicipate you ;
It will douse whatever life that's left in you ;
It will further clip your already broken wings ;
It will only leaves you to suffer a fate worst than dying..

The bittertaste of being let go

However, a true relationship will endure the test of time and emotions.
It will not require explanations.
It will not seek reason for actions, taken or untaken.
It understands a nod and a twirl of the hand.

The unspoken language of the heart.

Randomity

Say the word and I will sing for You
Over oceans deep, I will follow

If each star was a song
And every breath of wind, praise

It would still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for You


... There is nothing in this world
To which You can be compared

... There is nothing in this world
That You cannot do

I simply live, I simply live for You

Cant Smile Without You

This song was haunting me thru out last night.

There was this particular scene in Hellboy2 when Red and Blue both has some relationship problems and started to listen to "The Greatest Love Songs Forever".. And of coz it has to be a barry manilow..

It was particularly haunting for me coz u have to feel the words of wot Red said (between sips of beer),"You simply have to know why a woman is angry? You cant find out from others; You have to know. Thatz wot love is all about eh?"

Interestingly i was talking to a certain Lester Chan on the issue of Romantic Love. He calls it this ,"Romantic love has to be selfish to certain extent. The desire to exalt the object of your affection and admiration into an interpersonal relationship that excludes any third person. To place a person in matter of importance beneath no other person excluding perhaps your closest kin. Hence, the common terms such as "being in a relationship with this girl", "getting engaged to him", "I'm married to my wife", "she is the most important person in my life" etc; symbolize a certain extent of romantic involvement with another person that is exclusive and a level of significance towards the person that is special only towards him or her. These relationships can exist definitely, without romantic love. However, they are the best examples that I can find to illustrate the difference between romantic involvement and other forms of love."

So is Loving someone that cheem.. or issit just a feeling.. Apparently in today society love is nothing more than a feeling. It comes; It goes.

I am a traditional guy when it comes to love.
I will throw all caution to the wind and go after the love of my life.
I will risk life and limb to be with the one.

But i fail many times as i am timid and shy in front of the girl i like.

This might sound funny and contradictory to the usually boisterous and frank me but Frenz who have known me for a long time witness this adverse change whenever i meet girls i am genuinely interested in.

SIGH.

So what is love to you ?
Leave a comment...

Enjoy the song.
*********************************************************************


You know I Can't Smile Without You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh
and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.

You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If You only knew what I'm going through,
I just Can't Smile Without You.

You came along just like a song
and brightened my day,
Who'd've believe that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away.

And now you know I Can't Smile Without You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh and I can't sing,
I'm finding it hard to do anything.

You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If you only knew what I"m going through,
I just can't smile.
Now some people sa y happiness takes so very long to find.
Well I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me.
And you see,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh
and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If You only knew what I'm going through,
I just Can't Smile Without You

Definitely Mebbe

Recently, I caught up with my sec school pals. 1 of them is actually gettign married this saturday. Lets call him Luke.

We sat in a coffeeshop drinking coffee and teh-si. Eating their durians and me munching on peanuts...

Halfway through, the soon to be married man heaved a heavy-hearted sigh of resignation. Naturally we asked him what’s wrong. He confided that he had a tiff with his wife-to-be a few days ago over a drinking credit card bill of $200 which led to him being chased out of the soon to be matrimonial house.

I was like, wah lau.. saturday how ?

He was like, boh bian , die die have to settle...

And this is thursday evening. Yesterday

1 of my super inconsiderate fren went “Wah seh you now free liaos lah.. can cheong tonight lo,”

My eyes popped out in disbelief, at the uncouthness of him and the sniggering rest.

Luke was still visibly upset and downcast.

“Stop suan-ing me lah,” he gulped down some beer and in that same breathe, he said ,"Lets go"

I went WTF ?!?!?!

In the midst of our unplanned (due to luke's wife rep of calling up his frenz to diss and cuss them whenever he returns drunk) stag nite (we only plan to have dinner with him due to his wife's rep), Luke said this to me, the only singleton in the group of friends (ED: wonders if it is my fortune?) “Look at you, a swinging bachelor, no FG/wife to nag at you and no kids to feed. Wanna go where; juz whack. Shiok la, wot would i give to be in your shoes man.”

Well, all i could tell him was,"You dunno my pain lah brudder. You see me good, I see you good aso ma. How I wish i could get someone to call when i m sian. Someone to nag at me alittle. Someone to call my own too.

He laughed out boisterously at this point in time.

“Hahaha, dude, don’t regret wot you juz said.”

“I wanna settle down too, see, everyone is married and i am the only single one here..”

He looked at me with an enormous amount of sacrasm and laughed, “If you tink it is the best, go for it lo. Juz remember to call me when u need a pity party.”

I was left with half a grin and half a frown.
I looked like an idiot.

Shoot me pls.

The night set me tinking.
I could not get to sleep.

After so many years and so many failed relationships(including rejections), I’ve come to realize that it definitely isn’t easy to maintain an on-going, nice and long relationship.

I am Mr Nice Guy. (Ok, take it for granted that i am not that nice sometimes but i am juz beign myself hokays.) What more can they ask for? I don’t dabble in vices and drugs and all other forms of demonic worship.

So what is it that eludes me and that fateful missing rib.

Jet - Look what You've done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

相思风雨中

(男)難解百般愁 相知愛意濃
(女)情海變蒼茫 痴心遇冷風
(男)分飛各天涯 他朝可會相逢
(女)蕭蕭風聲淒泣暴雨中

(男)人海裡飄浮 輾轉卻是夢
(女)情深永相傳 飄於萬世空
(男)當霜雪飄時 (合)但願花亦艷紅
(合)未懼路上湮雨濛

(男)啊...寄相思風雨中
(女)啊...寄痴心風雨中
(男)抱月去 化春風雲外追蹤鴛侶夢
(合)恨滿胸 愁紅塵多作弄

(男)難解百般愁 相知愛意濃
(女)情海變蒼茫 痴心遇冷風
(男)分飛各天涯 (女)但願他日重逢
(合)夜漫漫路上珍重

(男)寒夜裡霜雪飄時
(合)但願花亦艷紅 別後路上珍重

[Image credits to JD]


Love is a feeling.
Love is a very strong type of emotion.
If there is mutual affection, love will grow.
If there is only affection from 1 side, it will falter till reciprocation
If there is no reciprocation, it will die. Albeit slowly.

It is a feeling that cannot be ignored without the heart fluttering.
It is a feeling strong enough to send waves of tsunami thru your brain
It is a feeling that is capable of rendering you an idiot
It is a feeling compelling enough to make you stutter and falter

I've almost succumbed to this feeling;
My logic tells me otherwise; Everyone around me tells me otherwise too

I stood tall and strong.

I've learnt and grown stronger.

Love is in wanting the best for her and allowing each to grow before commitment.

李玖哲~我會好好過 MV

***************************************************************

***************************************************************
你的愛很像泡沫
太輕或太重 都不在手中
我的愛就像天空
太放或太收 你都只是風
你來過卻愛上自由 你出走我不問理由


我會好好過 等你再愛我
總有個角落 會讓你想起我
我會好好過 等你再愛我
向右或向左
都有我站在這裡守候


你的愛很像泡沫
太輕或太重 都不在手中
我的愛就像天空
太放或太收 你都只是風
你來過卻愛上自由 你出走我不問理由


我會好好過 等你再愛我
總有個角落 會讓你想起我
我會好好過 等你再愛我
向右或向左
都有我站在這裡守候


你留下很多
夠我面對寂寞
寂寞不重 縱使愛太弱
我會好好過 等妳回頭
會看到的一定是我


我會好好過 等你再愛我
總有個角落 會讓你想起我
我會好好過 等你再愛我
向右或向左
都有我站在這裡守候
***************************************************************
Look carefully...

我會好好過 等你再愛我
總有個角落 會讓你想起我
我會好好過 等你再愛我
向右或向左
都有我站在這裡守候

Does it touch you.

It did.

Loosely Translated as ...

I will get on with life till you decide to love me again
There's bound to be something/somewhere which will remind you of me
I will get on with life till you decide to love me again
To the left or to the right
I will stand here waiting for you

你笑著說他是朋友
但你眼中太溫柔
我的不安那麼沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了你的心中屬於我的角落
所以你說我們不是你和我
是我想太多 你總這樣說
但你確沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也這樣說
這是為了安慰我的理由


OH``
他霸占了你的心中屬於我的角落
所以你說我們不是你和我
是我想太多 你總這樣說
但你確沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也這樣說
這是為了安慰我的理由
我想我沒有錯怪了什麼
雖然你不說 都是錯在我
太晚我才懂 愛了你太多
OH``
是我想太多 你總這樣說
但你確沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也這樣說
這是為了安慰我的理由

Loneliness

Silently thy heart cries,

Despondency lies deep within thy soul.

Believing and Clinging onto dreams,

How could it be wrong?

When in reality letting go makes you stronger.

Humbled and Head bowed, being in ultimate despair,

Growing weary of a world that never seems to care.


Love thou seek and never found,

The greatest gift, is to set your spirit free,

But now the roads too dark and too dark,

Thy eyes acclimatized to the dark surroundings,

And to be alone forever, is that thy destiny?