Looking forward to Nov again where i can start anew.. afresh as always.. always long to have a holiday in Nov.. juz to redeem myself.. or reward if u like

This year i'm travelling to one of my fave asian country..

Looking forward to this short hiatus.. break away from the everyday mundane tasks
Looking to relax myself totally..

This Nov holidays seems to be a yearly affair now.. hahaha.. Hopefully it continues on..

Recently work took a turn for the worst.. why .. coz they brought fwd certain stuff.. due to my manager being on maternity leave and other stuff happening.. so i will have a hectic 1 month.. for the last week of oct and the first 2 weeks of nov starting from Nov6..

Tink the weekend break in between is juz nice for me..

About the Haze







so is there really any way out for us..

Apart from wearin this...


Fine them, some may say.. but they're already shit knee deep in debt..
Q: So how to make a poor country poorer.. hahaha..
A: Set their trees on fire.. Wahahhaha


Please dun wear this mask...


And this is definitely wrong...

sooooo wrong...


ED's note: suddenly i know what to get for Uncle Fong... N95 Mask.. hahaha

Numerology: The Life Path

3 (3, 12/3, 21,/3, 30/3)
The Life Path 3 indicates that you entered this plane with a strong sense of creativity and with wonderful communication skills. Achievement for you most likely comes through engaging your ingenious expression. A truly gifted 3 possesses the most exceptional innovative skills, normally in the verbal realm, writing, speaking, acting, or similar endeavors. Here we are apt to find the entertainers of the world, bright, effervescent, sparkling people with very optimistic attitudes. The bright side of this path stresses harmony, beauty and pleasures; of sharing your inventive talents with the world. Capturing your capability in creative self-expression is the highest level of attainment for this life path.

Life is generally lived to the fullest, often without much worry about tomorrow. You are not very good at handling money because of a general lack of concern about it. You spend it when you have it and don't when you don't.(This para is so me.. )

The 3 loves connecting with people. The characteristics of the 3 are warmth and friendliness, a good conversationalist, social and open. A good talker both from the standpoint of being a delight to listen to, but even more importantly, one who has the ability to listen to others.

Accordingly, the life path 3 produces individuals who are always a welcome addition to any social situation and know how to make others feel at home. The approach to life tends to be exceedingly positive. Your disposition is almost surely sunny and openhearted. A happy and often inspired person, you are constantly seeking and needing the stimuli of similar people.

There is a remote side to your 3 Life Path, as well. This comes as a surprise to the native and to those who think they are well acquainted. The 3 is actually a very sensitive soul. When hurt, you can easily retreat to a shell of morose silence for extended periods.

Nonetheless, the 3 eventually copes with all of the many setbacks that occur in life and readily bounces back for more. It is usually easy for you to deal with problems because you can freely admit the existence of problems without letting them get you down for too long. Because of your own sensitivity to hurt, you have a caring disposition and seem to be very conscious of other people's feelings and emotions. (Wahh..this is getting scarier..)

In romance, the 3 is a very ardent and loyal lover. Affairs that don't go well can leave scars that linger. Emotional experiences of all sorts tend to deeply touch the 3 and the drama may take some time to play out. Regrettably, the giving disposition of the 3 often attracts demanding partners. As with most of life's issues for the 3 Life Path, balance in relationships is illusive.

Your big test with a 3 Life Path is controlling your highs and lows. You won't survive very well in any routine environment or when you are placed under dominating management. Slow thinking and overly contemplative people tend to frustrate you, and you don't function too well with this type whether you are working for, with, or under them. Your exuberant nature can take you far, especially if you are ever able to focus your energies and talents.

For the few living on the negative side of this Life Path, a 3 may be so delighted with the joy of living that the life becomes frivolous and superficial. You may scatter your abilities and express little sense of purpose. The 3 can be an enigma, for no apparent reason you may become moody and tend to retreat. Escapist tendencies are not uncommon with the 3 life path, and you find it very hard to settle into one place or one position. Guard against being critical of others, impatient, intolerant, or overly optimistic.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

That's my number. 3. So watz ur number. You can take the test here . BtW its really quite an accurate analysis of me.. i would rate its hit rate as 9/10

I Got Character

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (16) Right Brain Dominance: (16) Take the Quizz Here

Hmmmm.. how how.. My results show a 16/16... so wat.. I'm in perfect balance siboh... hahahahahha

Ramblings of a confused mind..

Stay away if u do not know me well enuff..


















































































































































































































































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Tink recently my mind is confused.. being in constant turmoil over...
Wat to do;
Where to go;
When to speak;

I guess the month of Oct have traditionally always been down & out months for me.. bad time of the year normally..
Always will feel lost..
Always will feel a shade darker..
Always easily swayed by emotions..

In short.. Bad month..

Been tinking a lot of pple… in general.. not juz girls.. also of guys.. Not that I am changing my orientation but more of the pple ard me…

Are they the ones who stay.. or are they another phase.. I want friends who stay.. and genuinely care for me.. I want friends who would give me an encouraging word.. I want friends who would stay with me unconditionally..

Yet will the OOMA supersede my friends.. I doubt so.. I am one who highly values friendship far above and beyond relationships.. But when the crunch comes, will i falter.. will i fall.. i dunno..

I need help..

Sinking..
Dying..
Drowning..

in the abyss of the unknown future...

Jokes... for a Midweek crisis

The First Malaysian in Space

Mahathir finally sends a Malaysian into space courtesy of the Russians. Finally, after months of training, the Malaysian astronaut and a chimpanzee are blasted off into space.

Once in orbit, the Malaysian waits for instructions. The screen flickers and the instrucions are flashed on it:

"Chimpanzee, execute space manuever No. 23B"

The chimp takes over flight control and carries out the manuever. The Malaysian astronaut is impressed but patient... he knows his instructions will come and they'll probably be more complex than what the chimp just did.

The screen flickers again and more instructions appear:

"Chimpanzee, carry out scientific experiment No. 234"

The chimp goes to the lab and mixes chemicals and carries out all sorts of complex scientific experiments. While he's doing this, the Malaysian astronaut is impatient. He speaks to Ground Control tru the comm link: "Eh Control, how come I got nothing to do man... train for so long but the monyet does all the important work but I'm smarter than the monyet"

Finally Ground Control responds: "Be patient, your instructions are coming soon"

Finally, the monkey rejoins the Malaysian astronaut and they wait for the instructions from the screen.

THe screen flickers and the message appears....

"Prepare for new instructions...."

A small door under the screen opens. Inside, there is a compartment with a wrapped item inside.....

"Malaysian astronaut, remove the item and unwrap then wait for further instructions"

The Malaysian astronaut unwraps the item and finds a banana inside. "Must be biogenetic banana" he thinks...

The screen flickers again....

"Malaysian astronaut, please feed the monkey"

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Malaysian in Space

Dr. Mahathir was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.

3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese.

Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid for it?"

Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu.
"I see," said Dr. M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."


So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Uh... 2 million boleh lah," replies the Malay applicant.
"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only asked for one million!"
"You see, Datuk," explained Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children...so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."
"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."
Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million to send the aneh into space."

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Sun Exploration

Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations' Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations:

China Delegate: 'By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project. '

Russian Delegate: ' We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.'

Bill Clinton: ' We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.'

Malaysian Delegate: 'By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.'

There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate: ' Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?'

Malaysian Delegate (smiling): 'I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.'
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Philosophy
Singapore and Malaysia have a different philosophies of life. This becomes apparent when we compare the two countries' Rules of Simple Living.

Singapore:
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary

And indeed, that is why 'Singapore is solid'!

Malaysia? Well, Malaysia's Rules of Simple Living are the
following:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House...


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One Of A Kind

Mahathir was so disappointed with his cabinet for being inefficient and corrupt that he decided to call on Goh Chok Tong and ask him how he managed to have such an efficient and uncorruptable cabinet.

On hearing Mahathir's woes, PM Goh said, 'Simple, Mahathir, I choose able men for my cabinet. ' Mahathir asked, 'Yes, but how do you know that they are able?' PM Goh replied, Just ask them simple questions to test their intelligence. They don't need to be too difficult. Let me illustrate to you.'

Just then, Tony Tan was walking by, PM Goh called out to him, 'Hey Tony, come over here.' Tony obediently walked briskly over. PM Goh asked, 'Tell me, Tony, who is your father's son ?'

Tony Tan immediately replied, 'Me! Of course.' PM Goh turned to Mahathir and said, 'See, all my ministers can answer this question. Why don't you go back and try.' Mahathir thank PM Goh and left.

Once he was back, he immediately summoned Anwar, his deputy, and shot the question at him, 'Tell me, Anwar, who is your father's son ?' Anwar was shocked beyond words and did not know the answer

After a while, he recovered and said, 'Boss, let me find out and I'll tell you tomorrow.' Mahathir, a bit disappointed, agreed, hoping that Anwar will give a good answer tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Anwar was panicking that his boss was testing him. He tried desperately to find out the answer from his staff, but none of them knew the answer. The next morning, he decided to call Bill Clinton for help.

Surely the most powerful person in the world must know the answer. When Bill picked up the phone, Anwar said, 'Hello, Bill, can I ask you a question?' Clinton, very busy, replied, 'Alright, but it better be good!' Anwar quickly asked, Tell me, who is your father's son ?'

Clinton was fuming, 'Of course its me, you stupid!' and he slammed the phone down

Satisfied that he got the answer, he confidently walked into Mahathir's office and said, 'Boss, I've got the answer to your question.'

Mahathir, happy that his deputy wasn't that dumb, said, 'So tell me quick, who is your father's son, Anwar?' Anwar confidently replied, 'It''s BILL CLINTON!'

Mahathir slapped his own forehead in disgust and said, No you stupid! It's TONY TAN!'


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Proton Cars

Dr M were meeting the other Asean leaders in KL. As the Proton (Wira and Perdana) sales were not going too well, he took the opportunity to do some hard sell to these guys.

Dr M: 'President Suharto, how many Protons will you be able to buy?' Suh.: '2000 is not a problem.'

Dr M (very happy): 'Thanks. President Ramos, how about you?'

Ramos: 'Deliver 5000 to Philipines next week.'

Dr M: 'Thanks for the support.'

Sultan Bolkiah (determined not to be outdone): 'Brunei roads can well afford another 10,000 Protons. Send them over next month.'

Dr M by now is very pleased that his hard sell is doing so well. Finally he turned to Goh Chok Tong.

Dr M: 'Mr Goh, how about you?'

Goh: 'I will take 500 cars, but with the special condition that they be painted in pink.'

Dr M: 'That is not a problem. But I wonder, why choose pink when we have so many other nice colours?'

Goh: 'That's because I have to find 500 suckers.'


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Say Cheese

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.

'Clinton, 60, died of heart failure whilst in bed with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,' says the Coroner.

The DI is taken to the second dead man. 'Suharto, 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.

'Nothing unusual here', thinks the DI, and asks to be shown the last body.

Ah,' says the coroner. 'This is the most unusual one. Dr. Mahathir, 75, struck by lightning.'

'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.

To which the coroner replies, 'He thought he was having his picture taken.'

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Miracle Failure

After he put Anwar in jail, Mahathir received a lot of criticism from different sources. Everything he did was sure to get the journalists and diplomats screaming at him about corruption and cronyism etc. Finally, he was so fed up that he called all the journalists and diplomats to Johor Bahru.

Now, for all of you, I'm going to do something which you all cannot complain about.' and he magically stepped onto the waters of the straits of johore and walked the full 1 km to the other side without falling into the water. The onlookers were amazed and Mahathir was sure he'd get some compliments in the news tomorrow.

The next day, Mahathir was shocked to find in newspapers across the planet

The Sun 'Mahathir Can't Swim'

The New York Times 'Mahathir crosses borders without going through immigration'

The Straits Times 'Mahathir uses propaganda to curry favour!

WAYS TO SCARE A TELE-MARKETEER !

Tired of complete strangers calling you up and trying to sell you stuff or get you to sign up for some donno what MLM deal? Neh’mine! Here are some WAYS TO SCARE A TELEMARKETER!


1. Ask him to talk v-e-r-y slooooowly, because you want to write down EVERY WORD he says.

2. After he finishes saying all his marketing crap, tell him he must marry you first, before you sign on. When he acts all surprised, say, “What, you expect me to give my credit card details to a complete stranger, meh?”

3. When he introduces himself (e.g. “Sammy”), immediately say, “Wah piang eh! Sammy! Long time no see, man! How are you! Are you still living in that old place?” This should stun Sammy for a while, as he scrambles to remember where he might know you from.

4. If he says he’s, e.g. Tan Ah Seng from ABC Pte Ltd, ask him to spell his name. Then ask him to spell the company name. Then ask him where it’s located. Continue asking him personal questions or questions about the company for as long as you feel like it.

5. Insist the caller is actually your friend Benny, playing a joke. “Eh, Benny, dun lai dat leh! Stop playing the fool! Seriously lah, Benny, how’s your mother, ah? Is she out of the hospital yet?” Etc, etc.

6. After he finishes his pitch, say in a very creepy voice, “Thank you for calling me. I don’t have many friends… do you want to be my friend?”

7. If he asks, “How are you?” Tell him! “Wah lau, siong, man! Got so many problems. My fish all died, lah, then my mother and father had this big argument until neighbours call police all, and then lagi worse, donno why, but my crotch whole day was very itchy, so I went to the clinic and then…” Continue till he hangs up.

8. Tell him you’re busy at the moment, and ask him for his HOME number so you can call him back. He’ll try to give his office number, but insist on his HOME NUMBER. When he says he can’t give his HOME NUMBER, ask him, “You do’wan some funny stranger calling you up at home and disturbing you, is it?” He will agree and say,

“Then now you know how I feel!” And then hang up.

© http://www.TalkingCock.com

Most Requested Song @ Funerals

LONDON (Reuters) - James Blunt's "Goodbye My Lover" is the song most requested at British funerals and remembrance services, closely followed by Robbie Williams's "Angels," according to a survey released on Monday.

Research for the Bereavement Register found just over a half (51 percent) of people ask for a specific song be played at their funeral and 79 percent have talked with family and friends about possible song choices. The survey of 5,000 people also uncovered some unusual final choices for the final goodbye with rock songs like "I'll Sleep When I am Dead" by Bon Jovi, competing with classical tracks and soul.

"The top 20 really shows how far we have come in terms of saying goodbye. Gone are the days dirges of yore, instead we are seeing contemporary music that is easier to relate to," said Mark Roy, founder of the Bereavement Register, which removes the names and addresses of people who have died from databases to reduce junk mail.

"Everyone has a favorite song that means something very special to them, often connected to a particular time and place. When the song is played this can be a very emotive reminder of that person," he said in a statement.

Although fashions change there have been some consistent favorites over recent years like "Wind Beneath My Wings" at number four and "Candle In The Wind" -- a reworked version of which played at Princess Diana's funeral in 1997 -- which was at number six.

Many of the songs represented the different ages of the deceased.

Songs like "Danny Boy" (number 11 in the list) tended to be played at the funerals of the elderly while S Club 7's "Reach For The Stars" (number 20) was more usual at children's funerals, the survey showed.

Others in the top 20 included "Knocking On Heaven's Door" by Bob Dylan and, perhaps unexpectedly, Fame's "I Want To Live Forever." The top 10 requested songs were:

1 - "Goodbye My Lover" - James Blunt
2 - "Angels" - Robbie Williams
3 - "I've Had The Time Of My Life" - Jennifer Warnes and Bill Medley.
4 - "Wind Beneath My Wings" - Bette Midler
5 - "Pie Jesu" - Requiem
6 - "Candle In The Wind" - Elton John
7 - "With Or Without You" - U2
8 - "Tears In Heaven" - Eric Clapton
9 - "Every Breath You Take - The Police
10 -"Unchained Melody" - Righteous Brothers.


© Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Today i shall attempt to post on one of my fave actors.. Thanks to KM for the video which sparked off this post of mine...


Everyone remembers him from this song...



In the 80s, He was the Man (Not to be mistaken with TK, Da Man)



In the 90s, He was The unforgettable: Inspector Hard-boiled



His rumoured Love in the 80s b4 his marriage...



In the early 2000 he was the God of Gamblers



Him in an interview after the oscars...



A medley of his comical moments...



And a MV of Chow & leslie to end it off..


seeing the last MV, reminds u of who ur frenz are.. and they should be the ones who are smoking and drinking beside u.. thru every instance.. good or bad..

Jokes.. brighten up our moody mondays

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Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates. The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!" The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!" Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea. Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates.

Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea. Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my JPG warret!" The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest. In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. However, they were pretty perplexed by why he was unafraid of the virus. Grinning, Ah Beng answered, "AIDS I not scared, what... I got condom!!!"
==========================================================================
During the Japanese Occupation, 3 Singaporeans, Ah Meng, Ah Seng and Ah Beng were caught for smuggling. They were sentenced to death by firing squad. That night, Ah Meng came up with a plan. He told the others that the Japanese were afraid of natural disasters. So he would cause them to panic, and escape in the confusion. The next morning, Ah Meng was led to the wall. The firing squad was lined up and the Captain commanded, "Ready.. Aim..", but before he could complete, Ah Meng shouted, " Earthquake!! Earthquake!" The Japanese soldiers panicked and Ah Meng made his escape.

Later, the soldiers took Ah Seng out and the firing squad were ready. The captain commanded, "Ready... Aim..." This time Ah Seng shouted. "Flood! Flood!!" Again, the Japanese soldiers panicked and this time, Ah Seng made his escape. Observing all this, Ah Beng began to get the idea. "It's important to get the timing right." Soon, it was Ah Beng's turn. "Timing, that's the key.." Ah Beng kept saying to himself. The soldiers lined up in front of him. The captain started, "Ready..." "Timing," Ah Beng thought to himself "Aim..." "Okay," thought Ah Beng, and shouted, " FIRE!!! FIRE!!! "
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Lance Corporal Ah Beng, Corporal Ahmad and Sergeant Arul were lost in the jungle. It was clear they would have to share responsibilities in order to survive. Sergeant Arul, as the most high-ranking soldier, took charge. "Ah Beng," said Sergeant Arul. "Ahmad and I will race ahead to see if there's any way out. We want you to stay behind here in the camp and take care of supplies for us. Can?" Ah Beng nodded, and Ahmad and Arul set out ahead. "Where's the bugger?" said Sergeant Arul, puzzled when there's no one around when they return. Where upon Ah Beng immediately jumped out of the bushes and yelled at both of them, "Supplies!" (Surprise!)
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What's the difference between ang-mor and Hokkien fairy tales?

Ang-mor fairy tales begin with: "Once upon a time..."
Hokkien fairy tales begin with: "Lim Peh ka li kong..."
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Dr. Quek made a routine house call to Mr. Lim, one of his elderly patients. He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Lim?" Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!" The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers. The doctor tells her, "Mrs. Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on..." At which point, Mrs. Lim yells, "Ah Seng! Ah Pa is peeing in the refrigerator again!"
Story 2: Ah Beng tiok Toto
==========================================================================
Ah Beng rushed in to his house and shouted for his wife, ” Lian, Ah Lian ah, quick, quick, pack your bags, ho say leow, I kanna Toto. One meellion lollars.” His wife, Ah Lian, came out of the kitchen, and asked, “Wah….this time song leow! Where should we go, ha? Should I pack for A-merry-ca or Chip Poon, ha…..?”.

“No,” said Ah Beng. “Just pack your bags and ka lim peh keong kan (f-off)”
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Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks, “Name a drink that begins with the letter ‘G’.”

The crowd shouts,”Gin! Gin!”. Others exclaim, “No, its Grape Juice!” Another smart aleck yells, “Alamak, Gatorade!”

Host : “Quiet please.”

Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, “C’mon man, you think I need their help? I got more original answer : Gu ni!” (cow milk in hokkien)
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Three men, Ah Kaw, Ah Te, and Ah Beng were all sentenced to terms of life imprisonment for armed robbery. Upon reaching the prison, the chief warden told them, “Since you are going to be here for a very long time, you can bring into the cell whatever you wish. Just tell me and I’ll try to fulfil it.”

So Ah Kaw asked for a lifetime supply of cigarettes so he could drown his sorrows in smoke. Ah Te asked for a set of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica as he wanted to study his remaining life away, having never passed his UPSR. Ah Beng, however, asked for a lifetime supply of tampons.

The warden was puzzled and asked, “What do you need tampons for?”

Ah Beng replied: “Walau, you never watsh TV meh? They say you got tampons, you can go running, cycling, swimming……”
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A British soldier, a Malaysian soldier and a Singaporean soldier were running away from a group of Japanese soldiers and came to a deserted warehouse. The British saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the Japs came into the warehouse.

The commander saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the Briton hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking Briton cried, “Meow, meow!”. The Jap commander, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Malaysian inside, gave it a kick, and the Malaysian cried, “Woof, woof!”

Again, the Jap commander was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Singaporean cried out, “Kan ni na chee bye, who kick me hah?!?!?!”
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Ah Beng decided to start a business; an auto garage. He buy the best of car servicing equipment and manpower. Then Ah Beng waited that day for cars to arrive but no car entered their garage. Then he waited for 1 day, 2 days, a week for the car to arrive but no car came to their garage.

So Ah Beng called his friend and complain to his friend “I lonnoe why la no bisles one my mekenik sop”. Then his friend asked “Why? Hong chui (feng shui) no good ar?”.

Ah Beng instantly replied “What hong chui no good, my shop got nice number open at 8th floor lerrr!!!”
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One day, Ah Beng & Ah Seng were walking down the Chinatown when they saw something in their path. Wait!” cried Ah Beng. “Wat is tat huh?”

“Yah ho! Be carefool lo,” warned Ah Seng.

“Wat is it?” They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.

“Eee look like shit lah!” say Ah Beng.

“Hmmm….. smell like shit also!” say Ah Seng after taking a deep breathe.

Ah Beng then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it and said, “Tastes like shit!”

Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick. With confidence, he said, “Confirm is shit!”

Then they smiled at each other, “WAH! Heng ahhh we didn’t step on it.”
==========================================================================
War is going on between Malaysia and Singapore. Ah Beng was recruited as a runner to pass important messages from Singapore’s spies in Malaysia to the Singapore government. Halfway running in the forest, Ah Beng spotted a bunch of Malaysian troops and accidentally shouted “Ni na beh, Ma-lai-siah peng!!” and hides in the bushes.

The Malaysian army Corporal heard Ah Beng and alerted his troops. His right hand man started asking “How to look for him? Jungle so big” and the corporal replied “Rilek la, so easy.” The corporal stood in his position and shouted “BANG”.

Ah Beng came out and asked “Who call me???”
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